What are you unlearning? 🧠🌟
Grace Hur
26 replies
Whether it's a mindset, assumption, habit, or other, what are you trying to unlearn (or relearn) recently?
For me, it's that productivity is not measured by feeling burnt out.
Replies
Daniyar Yeskaliyev@dan_yes
Self-censorship / learned helplessness.
I've grown up in a country (post-soviet) where people are afraid of having their own opinion, or if they have one - are afraid of sharing it. It's a consequence of being first colonized and then oppressed by the USSR regime that dealt horrifically with any intellectually gifted people, so many generations ago people started teaching their children to filter what they say publicly, i.e. self-censorship.
After moving to Canada, it took me a couple of years before starting to realize that I can say whatever I want here. If I say something stupid, people just won't be listening to me - but I won't be penalized for it in a bad way like in other countries.
Yes, you can still be cancelled if you say something completely against the mainstream, but... there is a HUGE difference between getting dislikes for saying dumb things and having a censorship that is backed by the government with law enforcement institutions.
So yeah, I still struggle with unlearning from a so-called 'learned helplessness' when you don't get involved in anything. Now I'm learning expressing my thoughts freely and getting involved in my community's life, of course with respect to everyone around me.
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@dan_yes Wow. This left me speechless. Thank you for sharing so openly 🙏 It's not easy to unlearn tactics we adopt for survival purposes. These tactics have served us well, but that doesn't always mean we need to continue to carry these in our path forward. I hope you find agency and self-assurance in articulating your thoughts (because your thoughts ARE beautiful!) 🤗
@gracehur Yes, for sure - you're very right about the survival purposes. For example, after moving to Canada, I've struggled a lot trying to learn software development alone, on my own. Because back in my home country we're not really used to ask for help and expect actually getting measurable portion of assistance from the society or government. We try to play it strong and manly there, especially if you're a 'man', handling everything on our own without asking for help. Like asking for help diminishes you as a person, kind of, puts you in weaker position.
But after a mental breakdown in Canada, I was feeling that I'm not worth it, I was desperate and started asking for help, finally. In just 2 weeks, I've found a school that teaches programming for free if you are motivated enough - ComIT, a school from SK that operates Canada-wide. Also, the local organization that helps immigrants - MOSAIC - has helped me find my mentor @rezasanaie - and that was a game changer for me!
I've learned Web Development fundamentals very quickly, it was an easier path for me with all the support from all these wonderful people, and I've landed a job at Castofly thanks to @imanmoaz .
But as you said, this required me to unlearn being shy of asking for help first. In one environment, asking for help leads to nothing (on average). In the other environment, people actually are willing to help and unlearning your old habits sometimes can be a life changing skill. Same principles can be applied to different companies, circles, towns, even changing a career requires to unlearn a lot of things in order to become successful.
So, hank you for bringing this topic for discussion, and for your kind words :)
@franziska_kroll thanks for your support, yes I'm glad that your parents could stay where they are, and that Germany now is a beautiful and developed country it is right now - it's actually one of my most favorite places to visit :)
For me, it's that no one expects me to be perfect and have all the answers.
I grew up in a culture where asking questions meant "not knowing," which "was wrong." Where the highest grade was 20 and getting a 19 was not enough.
I am unlearning these behaviors, learning to value myself for who I am and what I have, and appreciating every opportunity I have to learn.
@mimih_arteaga wow! this hits hard - but also how freeing it must feel to let go of those suffocating expectations and gently allow yourself to show up as you! 🌸 thank you for sharing.
For me, it's managing all by myself. I'm trying to delegate things and ask for some advice or help if needed.
@oksana_ch Yes!! You are worthy and you are enough! There's so much freedom in letting other people in to help 👏👏👏
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@jason_andries1 Have you heard of the habit loop? There are three parts: the trigger, the routine, and the reward. Rather than removing a habit, it's much more effective to simply replace the routine when you encounter the trigger.
I like to press play music on Spotify instead of snooze (replacing the routine). The subsequent reward is that I get to jam out to my favorite tunes - and effectively, I wake up faster.
@jason_andries1 I need to unlearn this too!!
@jason_andries1 haha that's a tough one :)
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This is a tough one. Thank you for such a question, Grace!
Hum I'm definitely on my way of trying to unlearn to work 24/7. Recently found myself in some constant state of problem solving, analysis and strategic planning.. Learning to give myself some rest and unlearning to work like a machine :D
@anastasiiahere Kudos to you, my friend! 🌟 Even pro-athletes take resting seriously. If you don't mind me asking, what tactics are you adopting to help you unplug from work-mode?
@gracehur resting is underestimated :) but it's definitely a challenge sometimes to stop working or doing smth and relaaaaax in the most relaxing way.
Hum, my tactic.. let me think :) I have a cat who gets bored sometimes so when I notice myself working too much he gets super bored and sleepy and that's when I think it's game time. As I do lots of work online, changing the routine helps to rest automatically. And switching from mental work to physical work is also stress relieving and relaxing.
Otherwise, at the end of the day I do have one routine - drinking jasmine tea and listening to the silence of a sleepy house with only clock ticking somewhere on the background. Local meditation :)
I am unlearning some bad habits.
Like overeating and being lazy when it comes to exercising.
@marko_rakic2 Have you read "The Power of Habit"? I mentioned this in another comment here, but it's quite remarkable to think a habit loop comprises of three parts: trigger, routine and reward. It might be worth deeply reflecting what the trigger points might be for you here!
For example, a friend of mine felt that they were eating too many snacks in a work day. When thinking of why this might be, they realized that what they wanted a mental break from work, but the routine that allowed that was going for a snack. They simply replaced the snack-eating with an afternoon walk to still achieve the mental rest without the excess snacking. Same trigger, same reward, but different routine ✔️
Unlearning and relearning new ways to communicate. For instance, assigning gender in unnecessary places. I feel like such a millennial whenever I let it slip.
@brittany_salas I'm rooting for you! There's so much power in the words we choose. Even though changing our daily lingo can feel awkward, I hope you acknowledge yourself for actively advocating for inclusivity with what you speak.
Self-doubt